Author Archives: Dick and Danna

About Dick and Danna

Resume for Dick Vernon, PHD (Possess Highschool Diploma) I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. I am a strong conservative politically. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I make women swoon with my sensuous steel guitar playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, I repair computerized aircraft panels free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. Ihave been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On week- ends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I have given Rachel Ray and Emirile cooking lessons. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performe open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis many times when I taught him how to play guitar.. But I have not yet gone to college. ——————————————————- Resume for: Danna Vernon I put up with Dick Vernon. Doesn’t that say it all?

The Best Sermons Are Lived, Not Preached

1. Today, I interviewed my grandmother for part of a research paper I’m working on for my Psychology class.  When I asked her to define success in her own words, she said, “Success is when you look back at your life and the … Continue reading

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Stuff you didn’t know you didn’t know!  

   Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. Coca-Cola was originally green. It is impossible to lick your elbow. The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska The percentage of Africa … Continue reading

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Historical Trivia

Did you know  the saying “God willing and the Creek don’t rise” was in reference to the Creek Indians and not a body of water?  It was written by Benjamin Hawkins in the late 18th century.  He was a politician … Continue reading

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Why . . . Because

1… WHY Why do men’s clothes have buttons on the right while women’s clothes have buttons on the left? BECAUSE When buttons were invented, they were very expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Since most people are right-handed, it … Continue reading

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Spoiled Food Guide

SPOILED FOOD GUIDE EGGS When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime. DAIRY PRODUCTS Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to … Continue reading

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Another Paraprosdokian

1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you…. but it’s still on my list.3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright    until you hear them … Continue reading

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Just Plain Neat Information

JUST PLAIN NEAT INFORMATION………. Glass takes one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times! Gold is the only metal that doesn’t rust, even if it’s buried in the ground for thousands of years. Your tongue is … Continue reading

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