Eleven Rules for Students

Rule  1 : Life is not  fair – get used to  it!

Rule  2 : The world  doesn’t care about your self-esteem.
The world  will expect you to accomplish  something
BEFORE you  feel good about yourself.

Rule  3 : You will NOT  make $60,000 a year right out of high  school. You won’t be  a vice-president with a car phone until you earn  both.

Rule  4 : If you think  your teacher is tough, wait till you get a  boss

Rule  5 : Flipping  burgers is not beneath your dignity.
Your  Grandparents had a different word for burger  flipping:
They called  it opportunity.

Rule  6 : If you mess  up,  it’s not your  parents’ fault,
so don’t  whine about your mistakes, learn from  them.

Rule  7 : Before you  were born, your parents weren’t as  boring
as they are  now. They got that way from paying your  bills,
cleaning  your clothes and listening to you
talk about  how cool you thought you were:
So before  you save the rain forest
from the  parasites of your parent’s generation,
try  delousing the closet in your own  room..

Rule  8 : Your school  may have done away with winners and  losers, but  life HAS NOT. In some  schools, they have abolished failing  grades and they’ll  give you as MANY  TIMES as you want to get the  right answer. *This doesn’t  bear the slightest resemblance  to ANYTHING in  real life.

Rule  9 : Life is not  divided into semesters. You don’t  get summers off and very few employers are  interested in helping you FIND  YOURSELF. *Do that on  your own time.

Rule  10 : Television  is NOT real life. In real life  people actually have to leave the coffee shop and  go to jobs.

Rule  11 : Be nice to  nerds. Chances are  you’ll end up working for one..

If you can  read this… Thank  a Teacher.
If you can  read this in English… Thank  a Soldier!
And for life  and everything else you  have… Thank  God!!

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About Dick and Danna

Resume for Dick Vernon, PHD (Possess Highschool Diploma) I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. I am a strong conservative politically. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I make women swoon with my sensuous steel guitar playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, I repair computerized aircraft panels free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. Ihave been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On week- ends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I have given Rachel Ray and Emirile cooking lessons. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performe open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis many times when I taught him how to play guitar.. But I have not yet gone to college. ——————————————————- Resume for: Danna Vernon I put up with Dick Vernon. Doesn’t that say it all?
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