Getting Old????

Getting Old 1

$5.37! 
That’s what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. 
I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. 
Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, “It’s OK. I’ll just give you the senior citizen discount.” 
I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me . 
“Only $4.68 ” he said cheerfully. 
I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet? 
A mere child! 
Senior citizen? 
I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. 
Was he blind? 
As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil . 
Old? Me? 
I’ll show him, I thought. 
I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, 
and there he was waiting with a smile. 
Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, 
like I could be that easily distracted! 
What am I now? 
A toddler? 
“Dude! Can’t get too far without your car keys, eh?” 
I stared with utter disdain at the keys. 
I began to rationalize in my mind! 
“Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! 
It could happen to anyone!” 
I turned and headed back to the truck. 
I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn’t turn. 
What now? 
I checked my keys and tried another. 
Still nothing. 
That’s when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. 
I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. 
Then, a few other objects came into focus: 
The car seat in the back seat. 
Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. 
A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard. 
Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba , I flew out of the alien vehicle. 
Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, 
relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. 
That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! 
My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, 
only it was nowhere to be found. 
I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, 
and strode back into the restaurant one final time. 
There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. 
All I could think was, “What is the world coming to?” 
All I could say was, “Did I leave my food and drink in here”? 
At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, 
and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits. 
Elmo had no clue. 
I walked back out to the truck, 
and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. 
He was holding up a drink and a bag. 
His mother explained, 
“I think you left this in my truck by mistake.” 
I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. 
She offered these kind words: 
“It’s OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time.” 
All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone. 
Yessss , I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. 
And no, I told the officer, I’m not too old to be driving this fast. 
As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. 
I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. 
I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey . 
The good news was that I had successfully found my way home.

Getting Old 2 

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About Dick and Danna

OUR BUCKET LIST: 1950 First kid in the area with a portable radio on my bike when I was in grade school........... 1951 Built a 5 watt radio transmitter when I was in high school and went on the radio from home. Not the most legal thing to do. Built a PA system from scratch also........... 1951-1954 Learned to play Steel Guitar. Played many shows of country music on 6 different radio stations with different groups in Western Pennsylvania........... 1954 Married Danna Lewis at when she was 15 years old........... 1960 Got into Citizen Band Radio. Danna and I were two of the original founders of CB Rangers CB club in Butler. We published a call book of all of the CBers in the Tri-State area............ 1969 Danna and I were two of the original founders of the Tri-State Country Music Association. I wrote a column for their newspaper every month........... 1960 We went to Nashville. Met Ralph Emery of WSM radio and Archie Campbell, a Hee Haw TV Entertainer. Had coffee with them at Linbaugh’s Restaurant in Nashville. Archie bought the coffee........... 1965 We developed a successful network marketing business. In later years developed a few others. Greatest training on attitudes and success........... 1968 Had a Built an outdoor stage. Had a country music jam session on our lawn at home with around 500 musicians and their family from 5 different states........... 1969 Played music on the staff band of the WWVA Jamboree and backed up all of the entertainers in front of thousands of people for 4 months. WWVA was second largest country music show at that time next to WSM Grand Old Opry........... 1984 Danna started her own typesetting business in her home. Danna Vernon Graphics had customers in 3 counties. Very successful. She taught herself how to run the typesetter machine. It was a photo typesetter. She also did layout work for printers........... 1988 I taught the secretaries at Butler hospital how to use word processing and computers, but I never had any schooling or education on it. I also did some computer programming. Before this I ran the printing operation at the hospital........... 1989 I quit a good computer job and Danna and I bought a printing franchise, Minuteman Press in Butler PA. Operated it for 5 years............ 1994 We bought a motor home. went to Florida. Spent 9 years going to Florida for 6 months every year and back to Pennsylvania for 6 months............ 1995 We played music with “Spur of the Moment” band in Florida........... 2001 Never knew my dad. Met him in 2001 and Danna and I spent a wonderful 5 years together before he passed away. Went on a wonderful 2 weeks tour of Europe (5 countries) with him. He lived in Bradenton Florida........... 2002 Danna started singing and ended up running the Suncoast Jamboree in Florida, She had her own band and scheduled everything. She sang and emcee’d the show. Played many of the RV parks in the area........... 2004 Started a recording studio in Pa and FL. Danna recorded numerous CD’s........... 2007 Since I was a little kid, I have always wanted to wear the spots off a deck of cards. I finally accomplished it this year. Threw the deck away........... 2010 We started and played in various Gospel Music Groups. Country Transition, Good News Country Gospel. Played churches all over Western Pennsylvania........... 2010 We played music on television shows on WHCU-TV Kittanning........... 2010-2014 Danna and I did a 30 minute interview talk show, Danna’s Radio Diner, on WTYM & WAVL radio. Over 30,000 hits from over 100 countries on our website as of June 2017. Still get many hits every day........... 2010 Danna and I were on TV participating in Family Life TV WHKU helping their Christmas Auction on television........... 2011 Danna and I both read our first commercial to be broadcast on WTYM radio. Also I wrote a radio promo and a short radio script........... 2012 Operated a TV camera on a live TV show on WKHU-TV........... 2013 Produced an hour TV show – Armstrong Trails on WKHU-TV Kittanning, PA. Produced a monthly live country music dinner show with various bands at WTYM radio........... 2014 We went on a country music cruise and interviewed 12 top county music TV stars for our radio show........... 2014 Rode for an hour in the cab beside the engineer of a locomotive on Kiski Jct. railroad. Broadcast it on one of our radio shows........... 2014 Played Steel for Nashvile recording star Teea Goans when they came to Kittanning on WKHU-TH and WTYM Radio. Also in 2013 backed up Joann Cash (Johnny Cash sister)........... 2015 Started Danna’s Internet Café, an internet radio show. Also shows were run on WXED-FM 107.3 and WFSN-FM 96.7. for a year and a half........... 2016 I bought a Uke Bass and learned to play it. Played a jam session a week later. Sounds like a big upright bass.
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