Men’s Learning Center

Mens learningClasses scheduled at the Men’s Learning Center

NOTE: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants each.

 

TOPIC 1 – How to fill up ice cube trays. (Step by step, with slide presentation.)

TOPIC 2 – Toilet paper rolls: do they grow on the holders? (Round table discussion.)

TOPIC 3 – Is it possible to urinate using the technique of lifting the seat up and avoiding the floor, walls, and nearby bathtub (Group practice.)

TOPIC 4 – Fundamental differences between the laundry hamper and the floor. (Pictures and explanatory graphics.)

TOPIC 5 – The dinner dishes and silverware: can they levitate and fly into the kitchen sink? (Examples on video.)

TOPIC 6 – Loss of identity: losing the remote to your significant other. (Support groups.)

TOPIC 7 – Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming (Open forum.)

TOPIC 8 – Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health. (Graphics and audio tape.)

TOPIC 9 – Real men ask for directions when lost. (Real life testimonials.)

TOPIC 10 – Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks? (Driving simulation.)

TOPIC 11 – Learning to live: basic differences between mother and wife. (Online class and role playing.)

TOPIC 12 – How to be the ideal shopping companion. (Relaxation exercises, meditation, and breathing techniques.)

TOPIC 13 – How to fight cerebral atrophy : Part I: remembering birthdays, anniversaries, and other important dates. Part II: Calling when you’re going to be late. (Electrical shock therapy sessions.)

UPON COMPLETION OF THE COURSE DIPLOMAS WILL BE ISSUED TO SURVIVORS.

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About Dick and Danna

Resume for Dick Vernon, PHD (Possess Highschool Diploma) I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. I am a strong conservative politically. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I make women swoon with my sensuous steel guitar playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, I repair computerized aircraft panels free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. Ihave been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On week- ends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I have given Rachel Ray and Emirile cooking lessons. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performe open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis many times when I taught him how to play guitar.. But I have not yet gone to college. ——————————————————- Resume for: Danna Vernon I put up with Dick Vernon. Doesn’t that say it all?
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