Christian One Liners

                   
Unknown
Don’t let your worries get the best of you; Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
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Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited
Until you try to sit in their pews.
 

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Many folks want to serve God,
 
But only as advisers.
 

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It is easier to preach ten sermons
 
Than it is to live one. 


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The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose,
But mosquitoes come close.
 

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When you get to your wit’s end,
You’ll find God lives there.
 

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People are funny; they want the front of the bus,
Middle of the road,
And back of the church.
 

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Opportunity may knock once,
But temptation bangs on the front door forever.
 

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Quit griping about your church;
 
If it was perfect, you couldn’t belong.
 

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If a church wants a better pastor,
It only needs to pray for the one it has.
 

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We’re called to be witnesses, not lawyers or Judges. 


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God Himself doesn’t propose to judge a man until
he is dead. So why should you?
 

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Some minds are like concrete
 
Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
 

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Peace starts with a smile.
 

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I don’t know why some people change churches;
What difference does it make which one you stay home from? 


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Be ye fishers of men. You catch ’em – He’ll clean ’em. 


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Stop, Drop, and Roll won’t work in Hell. 


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Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous. 


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Don’t put a question mark where God put a period. 


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Don’t wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.


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Forbidden fruits create many jams.
 

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God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
 

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God grades on the cross, not the curve. 


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God loves everyone,
But probably prefers ‘fruits of the spirit’ over ‘religious nuts!’ 


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God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.. 


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He who angers you, controls you!
 

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If God is your Co-pilot, swap seats!
 

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Prayer:
Don’t give God instructions, just report for duty!
 

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The task ahead of us is never as
great as the Power behind us.
 

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The Will of God never takes you to where the
Grace of God will not protect you.
 

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We don’t change the message,
The message changes us.
 

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You can tell how big a person is
By what it takes to discourage him/her. 


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The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.
 

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If this blessed you in a profound way today,
 
Share it with a few friends to bless them!
 
I bet someone else will LOVE it too.

There is no greater treasure than a good friend!
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About Dick and Danna

Resume for Dick Vernon, PHD (Possess Highschool Diploma) I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. I am a strong conservative politically. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I make women swoon with my sensuous steel guitar playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, I repair computerized aircraft panels free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. Ihave been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On week- ends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I have given Rachel Ray and Emirile cooking lessons. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performe open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis many times when I taught him how to play guitar.. But I have not yet gone to college. ——————————————————- Resume for: Danna Vernon I put up with Dick Vernon. Doesn’t that say it all?
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