• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
• I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
• I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
• When chemists die, they barium.
• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
• Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
• I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
• Broken pencils are pointless.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• Velcro – what a rip off!
• Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.
Make a plan. Set down whatever it is you should be doing and start planning something better. There are so many situations you’re just not ready for! Here are some ideas:
◦ How to redecorate your bedroom
◦ Your next vacation
◦ How you’d take over the world
◦ What you would do under threat of zombie attack
▪ Okay, but seriously. If zombies were to attack, which of your friends would you just have to leave behind because they’d slow you down? What skills should you start working on now just in case? You gotta be useful if and when the time comes.
▪ Calculate some numbers. What if the digits in your Social Security number equal 66? You probably don’t know if they do, do you? Well find out! Here’s a list of other things you could start calculating:
▪ How many minutes you’ve been alive or the amount until your birthday/Christmas, etc.
▪ Just what percent of $1 million you would give your loved ones and/or charity
▪ How many people you meet per year and what percentage of them you actually like
◦ Imagine that you get locked in the bathroom sometime in the next thirty minutes. How do you get out?
◦ Imagine that you have to teach a bear to dance or else. What’s your teaching methodology?
◦ Imagine having to go hunt or gather your lunch. What would you end up eating?
◦ Imagine everyone around you wearing kilts. After all, why not?
◦ Make a list of all the words you can make with your name
◦ Make a list of the ten most attractive people you know
◦ Make a list of the ten ugliest people you know
◦ Make a list of questions you’d like the answers to
◦ Make a list of your most impressive moments
◦ Make a list of the things you’d do and/or people you’d arrest if given dictatorial powers
◦ Try to remember everyone on your bus this morning, or your commute to work. What details can you recall?
◦ Recreate your bedroom in your head. What spots are curiously empty?
◦ Remember what your best friends looked like when they were younger and your fondest memories together
◦ Recall the last time you complimented/shouted at/laughed at/helped out someone
◦ See how long you can go without blinking/breathing/talking/using the letter “n,” etc.
◦ See how many times you can fold a piece of paper
◦ See how well you can balance — on your toes, a house of cards etc.
◦ See how easily embarrassed you can get by publicly imitating an animal, walking around with your clothes on backwards, or singing near the top of your lungs.
◦ Read blogs. There’s a blog out there about everything. There’s even lists you can refer to to weed through all the teenage-y WordPresses and get straight to the gems.
◦ Take some online quizzes, tests, surveys, or play some games. As if Facebook didn’t alert you to all the ones trending already.
◦ Diagnose yourself on WebMD. Just be sure your phone is handy so you can call mom when you get really freaked out.
◦ You could read the news, but that’d just make too much sense.
◦ If those are too obvious, you could always defragment your hard drive and watch it till it completes. This takes aaaaages. Scanning for errors and backing up your files is also good for wasting time.
◦ How long does it take you to get from How to Shower to How to Regain Control of a Spooked Camel? How about from How to Apply Makeup Like Flo, the Progressive Girl to How to Improve Your Personality Using wikiHow?
◦ If slow-motion ain’t your bag, try doing everything backwards. Talking backwards, walking backwards, you name it (eating backwards?). Or everything opposite. What’s the opposite of reading wikiHow articles?
◦ How could you wake yourself up in the morning without an alarm?
◦ How could you get a message to your friend without using your phone or your computer?
◦ How could you get from here to the kitchen without touching the ground?
With over 100 different types of this life threatening disease, it sometimes seems like getting a cancer diagnosis may be inevitable. According to the 2014 statistics from the American Cancer Society, cancer causes nearly 1 out of 4 deaths in the United States.
However, emerging research studies prove that your diet plays a vital role in preventing cancer. One common kitchen ingredient that you can add to your anti-cancer diet today is turmeric.
Studied extensively by the University of Texas and Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, the bright yellow-orange earthy tasting Asian spice commonly found in curry is now a well-known cancer preventing food.
These groundbreaking studies found that turmeric might just be one of the most effective common ingredients in the world for keeping you healthy and cancer-free. If you’re still are not convinced, then keep reading to discover for yourself the top five health benefits of this cancer-fighting rhizome (root).
NOTE: Click on blue underlined words for more information on this subject
– – – – – – – 5 Health Benefits of Turmeric – – – – – – –
1. Powerful Medicinal Properties
Turmeric is a member of the ginger family that has been used for centuries in traditional Ayurvedic and Chinese medicine. With its anti-inflammatory, antioxidant, antimicrobial, hepatoprotective, immunostimulant, antiseptic, and antimutagenic properties – it’s been used in the treatment of digestive disorders, liver problems, skin diseases, wounds, parasites, and periodontal diseases. Did you know… turmeric can also be used as a mouth wash?!
2. Anti-Inflammatory Properties
Chronic inflammation is believed to play a role in virtually every chronic disease in the Western hemisphere. Cancer, metabolic syndrome, heart disease, and cognitive disorders such as Alzheimer’s disease have all been linked to chronic inflammation.
Inflammation and cancer have a circular relationship − meaning that inflammation in the body can create cancer and excess inflammation fuels cancer growth.
In countries where turmeric is heavily consumed the incidence of cancer is significantly lower. The effects of turmeric’s anti-inflammatory properties were examined on inflammatory cell factors NF-kB and STAT3. Turmeric rather than pure curcumin (a compound in turmeric) inhibited these factors that accelerate inflammation.
Turmeric contains over 300 bio-active components; the focus of most research studies has been centered around curcumin. Curcumin has 150 potential therapeutic uses. Imagine the healing potential of turmeric that could be unleashed once its other active compounds are studied! In fact, turmeric has been proven to work as well and better than many over-the-counter anti-inflammatory drugs.
3. DNA Control of Cancer Cells
Cancer cells are just like every other cell in the human body in that they contain DNA. Their DNA regulates growth and development. A one millimeter cluster of cancerous cells typically contains somewhere in the ball park of a million cells, and on average, takes about six years to get to this size.
Most tumors can’t be detected by traditional testing until it spreads past the one millimeter mark, meaning that cancer cells often go undetected for several years. By adding turmeric to your daily cancer prevention diet, you may be able halt the growth and spread of cancer cells since curcumin alters DNA instructions of cancer cells and effectively induces cellular death in cancer cells.
4. Prevents Angiogenesis
Angiogenesis is a physiological response in which your body creates new blood vessels when new tissues form inside of your body. Through angiogenesis, newly formed tumors and cancer cells develop the additional blood supply they need to grow.
Cancer cells cannot rapidly spread or even survive without a blood supply and turmeric has the ability to prevent angiogenesis within your body. There are a number of powerful anti-cancer foods that can starve cancer cells.
5. Increases the Antioxidant Capacity of the Body
Highly reactive compounds known as free radicals are created in your bloodstream daily through environmental pollution, stress, personal care products, and chemical exposure.
These free radicals create cellular damage. They weaken cell structure and integrity paving the way for chronic diseases and cancer. Turmeric contains three powerful antioxidants known as curcuminoids (demethoxycurcumin, bisdemethoxycurcumin, and acetylcurcumin) that remove and repair the damage caused by free radicals.
The spice also contains other potent antioxidants and is 5 times stronger than vitamins C and E. These antioxidants found in turmeric can boost your body’s production of one of the Master Antioxidants − glutathione − which is vital for cellular health and immune system function.
And, we realize our true inner happiness does not come from the material things ofthis world. Whether we fly first or economy class, if the plane goes down – – – we go down with it. Whether we fly first or economy class, if the plane reaches its destination, everyone arrives at the same time. Therefore we should realize that when we have mates, buddies and old friends, brothers and sisters, with whom we can chat, laugh, talk, sing, talk about north-south-east-west or heaven and earth — that is true happiness!
Six Undeniable Facts of Life